


The stars are not wanted now

by tsubasafan



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Angst, Character Death, M/M, Old Age, Remix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-26
Updated: 2011-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:55:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsubasafan/pseuds/tsubasafan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurogane was always invincible until he wasn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The stars are not wanted now

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Put Out My Eyes](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/5107) by Bottan. 



> Written for the remix challenge over at kuroxfai for konnichipuu and her fic 'Put out my eyes'.

_He was my North, my South, my East and West,  
My working week and my Sunday rest,  
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;  
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong._

 _The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,  
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,  
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood;  
For nothing now can ever come to any good._

 _W.H. Auden_

\--

Kurogane wrapped his hand around Ginryu, the sword weighed heavily as he gripped it tightly despite the protesting of his joints. He scowled, brow knitted in annoyance and concentration. He had done this a million times and he would do it a million more.

"Kuro-sama should come inside. It's too cold to practice today." Fai stood by the doorway, hand resting on the wooden frame as he peered out into the yard where Kurogane stood having trouble lifting his beloved sword and doing it anyway because it was Kurogane and that was what he did.

"That's what you said yesterday." Kurogane thought he said that the day before that too, but he can't remember. His voice was hoarse with age and he looked down at Ginryu, at the sparkling eye of red staring back at him and frowned when he couldn't see the crisp outlines of the scales or its fangs anymore.

\--

Fai smiled warmly as he held Kurogane's hand in his own. They sat face to face as the blonde rubbed in a bitter salve into worn skin. Kurogane's fingers were boney now and dotted with age spots that make Fai think of the gnarled branches of a tree. His hands are not too better off, but they have always been long and spindly.

"You don't have to do that." Kurogane watched him, his eyes narrowed as fingers rub and smooth over his wrinkled skin. The salve is suppose to ease the stiffness in his hands, but Kurogane rolled his eyes at it and had told Fai practicing with his sword would do that on its own.

"I want to." He wants to do this today, and tomorrow, and the day after that for as long as he is able.

\--

"We're not spring chickens anymore Kuro-tan." Fai smiled, bright and cheerful and Kurogane stared at him like he always had when he saw it. They are not the spry young men they were in youth, they are too old to give chase or travel long distances without suitable rest.

He watched however as Kurogane tried to reclaim the vitality that had passed them up decades ago. They were settled now in Nihon, had been for many decades when they had still been young and able, when Syaoran had no need of them anymore and everything had come full circle.

\--

It hurts when he steps out onto the grass and has to see Kurogane struggle. It's a deep ache that always caused something to lodge in his throat and make it difficult to breathe. The man's physique had changed, he was still tall and broad shouldered, but there he was also thinner, muscle having left over the years. Crow's feet lined the corners of his eyes as his face grew taunt. Kurogane was a handsome man no matter what the age, but now as time grew on them; Fai could see his love weakening. His hair was a pepper gray and Fai still loved to run his fingers through it.

The metal arm was gone; it had been too much of a burden for Kurogane to bare any longer on his shoulder that had never quiet healed. It rested in their room tucked away in a box. Arthritis plagued the joint and when it rained Kurogane ached and would rarely leave their rooms, letting Fai take care of him as best he could.

While Fai had shown signs of aging as well, his own hair dulled and streaked with silver, he didn't look as old as Kurogane did. He had slowed down, no longer able to do the acrobatic stunts that had made Kurogane yell. However, he was still able to get up despite his bones popping and cracking in protest and go about his day.

\--

It had all started when Kurogane caught a cold; Fai blamed it on the training and how Kurogane insisted on going out to meetings and wandering the halls at all hours of the night.

Fai would listen as Kurogane coughed and coughed until his throat was raw and he could do nothing more than lie in bed. The illness lingered and Kurogane had become feverish and bedridden. Fai would read to him when he was awake and when he was asleep; Fai would curl up beside him trying to share body heat.

"I'm dying." Fai stopped reading as he frowned deeply at the declaration. He didn't let Kurogane see him as he gently closed the book and set it aside.

"What makes you say that? You've almost gotten over your cold." It was a half truth, but Fai wanted to believe it with every fiber of his being.

"I'm too old."

"Now that's certainly not true." Fai smiled brightly as he did in their youth and Kurogane could only glare at just how fake it was. It seemed even now it was hard for the magician to show himself when he hurt too much.

\--

When Kurogane died it had been cold that night as the moon hung low in the near black sky. Fai had been up and by his side, holding his hand through out as he watched the light slowly fade from red eyes. And when Fai knew the other had finally passed on he let his fingers slip out of Kurogane's and rose.

With a few steady steps he ventured out to the garden, letting the cool night air chill him to the bone. He wandered in the darkness until someone came for him.

\--

Tomoyo came to him and she sat by his side quietly over the next few days while Fai stared off into the distance, his eyes hollow and unfocused.

He wanted to scream and to cry, wanted to curse something, someone for taking Kurogane from him. There was no one he could vent his sadness on, so he bottled it up and let the storm of emotions inside him sink his heart.

He knew that Kurogane would have rather died on some battlefield far from home and Fai wondered if he had been at peace when he passed. There were so many questions left unanswered and late at night when he couldn't sleep he would think that they may never be,

Fai would wake and stare at the garden just outside their rooms, listening to the birds singing and the bubbling of the small waterfall set off to the side. Usually Fai found comfort in this, lulled by the sense of calm that settled over him when he would sit and listen. Now however, there was no need for it, it all seemed useless to him now.

Everything was pointless now, the sun rose, people worked, time passed and it seemed the world hadn't even taken notice of his loss.

It ached like losing Fai had ached, like Ashura and Sakura, and Syaoran, but still he went through the motions. He smiled and chatted with the servants, had dinner with Tomoyo and returned to the emptiness of his room. He would look up sometimes and see Ginryu missing and remember that the sword had been buried with its master, the only thing he knew Kurogane would want to take with him.

He still had reminders of Kurogane, from notes the man had been writing months before about some tactics or other to Nihon itself. While Kurogane might not have been there physically, Fai didn't feel completely alone.

\--

It was over four months later when he dreamt of Kurogane for the first and last time.

Fai had learned much about dreams over the years, having known people such as Watanuki and Sakura did wonders for ones knowledge on such things. He had found himself sitting outside, looking out at nothing and then suddenly he had heard a voice behind him that he had been afraid he would forget.

"What are you doing?" Kurogane stood before him looking as cross as ever, but he looked young again. He stood without a sound and ran to the man. Kurogane was solid in his arms and he wept.

"What took you so long? Why are you here now?" He looked up as he clutched the front of the heavy yukata the man wore.

"You're killing yourself idiot." Kurogane glowered down at him and Fai stared, he would take Kurogane's scolding a thousand times over if he could just stay here.

"You're not there anymore, there's no point in going on. I've lived a long life don't you think?" His smile faltered. It was true he had lived longer than most could ever dream to and he thought he was ready to go.

"There are others who care for you."

"I know, but they're not you Kuro-sama." Even now he could still get Kurogane to blush. "Why want me to live and suffer through being awake? I'm not like I was, I lived didn't I?"

Fai had been happy, the second half of his life had been far better than the first and he had learned what family meant, what love was and after such a full life he was beginning to feel that it was time to move on.

"There's no talking you out of this is there?" They both knew he wouldn't kill himself, but he would let himself fade away.

"Don't act like it's so bad. I'm not hurting myself and I think Tomoyo-chan already knew." Of course she did, Kurogane thought, even without her powers she knew far too much.

Kurogane closed the few inches of distance between them then and kissed Fai chastely. He looked unsure of himself and conflicted before he spoke. "Then do you want to come with me?"

"Always." Fai understood what was being asked of him as Kurogane took a few steps back and held out his hand. When he reached for him, he took notice that his own hand no longer possessed the age spots and wrinkles he had grown so used to anymore.

\--

When Fai was not there for his usual morning tea with her Tomoyo knew what had become of him. Calmly she told her servants what had happened and asked them to do as needed as she stood up and ventured out of her chambers and to the shrine located just outside the main palace.

Incense wafted up to the rafters of the small building and Tomoyo walked in and kneeled in front of the alter to pray. She prayed for her friend, glad he had gone as peacefully as a man like him could and when she had finished she looked up to the beams above her and silently gave them her blessings.


End file.
